I have noticed I tend to question the motives of life… The ways of living… I have noticed I’m experimenting with my life with relations… Trying to leave back… All the things, all the places and all the people who hurt me... Who have betrayed my trust… Who have blemished my trust on love, faith and understanding... I see this feeling in my heart to forgive more easily yet I also see the erosion of faith slowly n silently... Forgiveness means letting go completely… Yes I do let go of occasions when I’ve felt helpless… Left out and alone… But I also let go of people... Yet I still feel that pain and the utter astonishment of being bereft of what I had so expected from life... I think I’m at stage of my life when I’m questioning the value, the motives of social norms of love, of friendship… It’s this crucial stage of life which can make or break faith on the issues of life n relationships… Pain I didn’t know now how well I can handle it... I think, till now I have done well with it. I’ve learned the lessons of life each time... Each misgiving each disappointment has taught or rather I took it as a lesson... I’ve been good, I’ve been bad… I didn’t know how and where I would fare as a human being… Does ultimately goodness of soul count…? And If it does then when… Still I didn’t know whether I’m an atheist or a believer... Life till now has given enough reasons to stop this belief in the almighty… Is it just this social fabric or all the teachings from childhood which makes this faith in him unshakable…? Are we actually left out to fend for ourselves…? Or are we puppets whose strings are being yanked by Him…? Is this what we call the 'Dance of Life’…? There is so much which I have to discover about my self... Why and when am I good…? Or am I just pretending to be so… This journey I have to make… To understand life better... I didn’t know why I feel I have this quest inside me… Thirst to know life, to understand the idiosyncrasies of life n the way it twists and turns at each corner… Why is it always good after bad or sunset after sunrise… Why doesn’t life have finality... Why does it have to move on… And so my search goes on… I didn’t know when it'll end… I didn’t know when I’ll understand my self completely… I didn’t know when I’ll stop running, when I’ll put an end to this fear of hurt…!! Saturday 9 August 2008
Me & Y's...?
I have noticed I tend to question the motives of life… The ways of living… I have noticed I’m experimenting with my life with relations… Trying to leave back… All the things, all the places and all the people who hurt me... Who have betrayed my trust… Who have blemished my trust on love, faith and understanding... I see this feeling in my heart to forgive more easily yet I also see the erosion of faith slowly n silently... Forgiveness means letting go completely… Yes I do let go of occasions when I’ve felt helpless… Left out and alone… But I also let go of people... Yet I still feel that pain and the utter astonishment of being bereft of what I had so expected from life... I think I’m at stage of my life when I’m questioning the value, the motives of social norms of love, of friendship… It’s this crucial stage of life which can make or break faith on the issues of life n relationships… Pain I didn’t know now how well I can handle it... I think, till now I have done well with it. I’ve learned the lessons of life each time... Each misgiving each disappointment has taught or rather I took it as a lesson... I’ve been good, I’ve been bad… I didn’t know how and where I would fare as a human being… Does ultimately goodness of soul count…? And If it does then when… Still I didn’t know whether I’m an atheist or a believer... Life till now has given enough reasons to stop this belief in the almighty… Is it just this social fabric or all the teachings from childhood which makes this faith in him unshakable…? Are we actually left out to fend for ourselves…? Or are we puppets whose strings are being yanked by Him…? Is this what we call the 'Dance of Life’…? There is so much which I have to discover about my self... Why and when am I good…? Or am I just pretending to be so… This journey I have to make… To understand life better... I didn’t know why I feel I have this quest inside me… Thirst to know life, to understand the idiosyncrasies of life n the way it twists and turns at each corner… Why is it always good after bad or sunset after sunrise… Why doesn’t life have finality... Why does it have to move on… And so my search goes on… I didn’t know when it'll end… I didn’t know when I’ll understand my self completely… I didn’t know when I’ll stop running, when I’ll put an end to this fear of hurt…!! 
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You know what...we can understand some other person better than us..yes, there are very few peole who know themselves..why, because we actually have some expectations from ourselves..so when we look within us and try to find out what we are..there are some facts that we don't want to accept...and this brings the change in our perception about ourselves.
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