Letting GO...!!

If you expect to be disappointed, you'll never be disappointed... It seems that God is making me shed a lot of unconscious beliefs I have had about how life works... I HATE being disappointed so to avoid it at all possible costs, I actually MAKE myself be disappointed because that is so much easier than having hopes potentially dashed anyway. You can be entirely justified “Right" in every thing you are sure of, if you bet on being disappointed and have it proven so… When things actually go "Right" for you... It's a nice surprise but you can dismiss them as mere coincidences anyway... You don't really deserve nice things happening, that's just an illusion... Reality is much more dark and horrid than that... Disappointment is an easy deal... You just have to believe you don't deserve and/or won't get something in life…!! You got it…!! You can now be smug and self-righteous because you were RIGHT…!! Life IS massively unfair…!! So there…!! I can PROVE it…!! The depths of my cynicism amaze even me at times... I have honestly and almost completely believed now that there is only Hope in the inevitable denial of wishes and dreams… If someone offered you chocolate but you believed they were trying to poison you, do you still take it…? Think over it... I may wish for beautiful things to happen to me but I don't take those wishes seriously or even act on them... My intentions are about being disabused of having the good stuff in life… This is the stupid dichotomy inside of me in regards to Hope... I long for and wish for and think about having and wanting beautiful things to happen to me... Then I immediately set myself up for complete and absolute disappointment... I either deliberately set the bar too high into the realm of illusion and fantasy or I just simply believe its never going to happen to me…!! I'm not a fighter, but I seem to be endlessly fighting with myself instead of just letting go of the fight within and going with whatever IS right now... My new purpose is to learn how to allow ALL possibilities, good and bad, love and abandonment, to happen if and when they will and keep joy and hope alive through any of them... Life IS beautiful if you allow it to be so... The shitty stuff just reminds us what its worth…

This is me... I am FAHAD :)

Let Go and Let God…!!